


Choose.

by junkieboyfriend



Category: Trainspotting (Movies), Trainspotting Series - Irvine Welsh
Genre: Angst, Bromance to Romance, Declarations Of Love, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, bullying franco, geniune frienship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26644255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junkieboyfriend/pseuds/junkieboyfriend
Summary: He's leaving soon and he probably won't be back.Life or something else? Either way, Mark knows he has to choose.
Relationships: Mark "Rent Boy" Renton & Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson, Mark "Rent Boy" Renton/Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Choose.

Today was one of the last he’d see Renton, he knew. Mark was going off to finish school, get clean, be a better person, a better man than Simon could ever see himself being. As much as the blond talked about making it big, being important, having potential, a part of him was insecure and more ‘realistic’. He usually suppressed it, no one would even suspect it and he prides himself in that. No one knew… Except maybe Rents.

They were sitting across from each other at his kitchen table, it was tiny and pushed away in the corner like Renton when he was on a bad trip. It was a pitiful little flat, messy, unorganized, and unappealing to the general public. As much as Simon reflected the opposite of that outside of himself, on the inside, he felt like Mark’s flat. 

He didn’t want him to go.

It hit him like a punch to the gut and he seemed to fold forward, holding his midsection. How do you make someone stay when it’s almost necessary they go? Not for you, but for them. He wanted to puke but he knew it wouldn’t be polite. He didn’t want Renton going away forever with the last thought being about him puking in his kitchen.

“Mark, you’re leavin’ soon eh?”

Renton looked down into his coffee, “Aye, two days.”

“Ye comin’ back?”

Mark tilted his head, he didn’t know Simon cared, “Dunno.”

Simon knew that meant he wasn’t.

He didn’t know why it hurt so bad, why it hurt so much, why it felt like his whole word was falling apart around him. He still had birds, schemes, drugs, all the things he suspected made him successful… But it still wasn’t enough. He wanted Mark. He wanted his best friend.

“Ye sure aboot it?”

Mark nodded and sipped his coffee, “What else am Ah gonnae dae?”

“Dunno…” Simon smirked and chuckled slightly, “Dae Skag at Swanney’s.”

Mark rolled his eyes but cracked a grin, “Aye, really but?”   
“Ah just ken some cunts might miss ye.” Simon said casually

Mark gave him a sly look, “‘re yew some cunts?”

Simon gave Mark a look but he couldn’t help the grin on his coupon. 

“Perhaps Ah am, ‘s thit sae wrong?”

Mark gave Simon another look,

“‘S it wrong tae miss a mate?!” Simon tried exasperatedly

“Ye’re just a poof, Si.” Renton grinned evilly

“Oh shaht ahp! Ye’re startin’ tae sound like Franko!” Simon exclaimed

“What's wrong wih soundin’ like thae great Francis Begbie?!” Mark sarcastically teased, pounding his chest

“Oh we love oor Beggar Boy, the missin’ link they say he is.”

Mark chuckled evilly as he lit a cigarette. He liked times like these, when Simon was settled and engaging. He was unsure of his trip away, but he told himself it was the right thing to do, to pick himself up and choose life. He needed to do it now or he’d be like this forever - he just knew. So he wanted to go but he was feeling anxious and unsure. Still, what did he even have to lose? A skag addiction most likely. 

Simon smiled and looked at Mark, a pure smile he wasn’t very familiar with but was interested to see. His eyes looked terribly sad, Simon looked like he’d been losing sleep. 

“Well, ‘s been braw then.” Simon nodded

Mark was cleaning out his coffee mug in the sink now, back to Simon, “Aye, ‘s been fun.” he smiled bitterly

He felt cold, like it was all wrong. How could it be wrong when it’s what everyone agrees is right? How could it be wrong? But his heart ached, heavy in his chest as he carried it out; choose life. Mark is ripped away from his thoughts when he hears Simon’s soft crying, quickly turning around and having his heart shattered at the sight of it. 

Mark knelt down beside his friend, “Si, what’s wrong?”

“Ye’re fuckin’ leavin’!” Simon had to tell himself to leave out the ‘us’ at the end of it

Mark looked intensely confused, sittin back in his chair, “Ah’m goin’ tae sort mahsel oot.”

Simon wanted to cover his face and hide but he just looked down in shame, “Why cannae ye dae that here? Why dae ye have tae leave?” it was even harder that time to leave out ‘us’. 

Simon wanted to scream, to cry, to rip up the whole world and throw it away because everything was going wrong. He wasn’t supposed to fucking see this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why is it like this?

“If Ah wanna dae good at school Ah cannae be oan drugs.” Mark looked down, “And Ah’ll probably dae ‘em if Ah’m here.” 

Simon hugged himself tighter, “Ye wan tae get clean?”

“Ah never said that.” Mark paused, “Ah just want tae accomplish somethin’.”

Simon nodded and looked away, he couldn’t ask Mark to give up that. 

The blond wanted to scream at him; shout and cry and wail, ‘Dunnae gae Mark! Dunnae!’ and wrap his arms around the ginger’s ankles. Simon knew, though, that he couldn’t do that to Mark, he wanted Mark to be happy. 

“If ye ever come back, the lock ’s in the bush.” 

“Simon.” Mark’s eyes looked miserable

“Ah want yew tae dae what’s right, Mark.”

“What’s right?”

“That’s no my call.”

Simon took the cigarette from Mark’s hand and took a puff off it, calming his breathing as he readied himself for what he was about to say. He didn’t know what he could do to make Mark stay so he was just going to lay it out on the table for him… After all, Mark’s leaving anyway. Simon’s eyes connected with Mark’s and he took a deep breath.

“Mark, there’s nae easy way tae say this… But, Ah’m in love wih yew.” 

He wasn’t sure this was real - did he smoke before Simon came over? 

“Ye’re no fuckin’ wih me?”

“Nae.”

“Si…”

Mark covered his mouth slightly and looked away

“Simon… Ah-... Ah cannae.”

Mark furrowed his brows and was wracking his brain for right and wrong. He wanted an answer right now but there was nothing, it was all fuzzy. Mark didn’t know what to do, how to talk about it…

“Ah really dae need tae pack moar the night…”

“Aye, Ah git it.”

\---------

The next day Renton didn’t call and he didn’t pick up any calls. He was completely and utterly alone with his thoughts. He’d hoped now he could understand them. 

\---------

Mark was at Simon’s place now, his flight was in four hours. They hadn’t addressed Simon’s prior confession or the crying or the obvious tension. Simon wasn’t sure how much longer he could go on like this. He knew Mark was leaving and there was nothing he could possibly do. It was all over now. He lost.

“Well, ’s oor last day.” Simon grinned, a deep sadness lurking just beneath its surface

Mark smiled back “Aye.”

Simon looked away, his frustration rising as he felt the anger, and despair of it all. He was outraged. He wanted to smash his fist into the wall and howl like a beast, he felt like people understood him on that level.

“Mark, it’s oor last day… Oor last fuckin’ day all ye have tae fuckin’ well say is aye?! Ah have aboot a million fuckin’ things Ah want tae fuckin’ say tae ye!”

“Then why dun ye say ‘em? Ah’m right here.”

Simon scoffed, “Aye but fer how long.”

“Nae sae long.” Mark shrugged, “Dun got all day.”

Simon wanted to beat the absolute shit out of Mark and he might’ve if he wasn’t so hopelessly in love with the cunt. 

“Mark, ye’re mah bezzy mate since Ah wis wee, we’ve dun everythin’ together. Wihoot ye here Mark ‘s… ‘S sick. ‘S lonely, ‘s depressin’, ‘s fuckin’ shite, Mark! If ye moved away it’d be fuckin’ bollox! Dun ye understand Ah fuckin’ need yew here?! Why the fuck dae Ah have tae say it?! Why cannae ye just ken Ah need yew?!”

Mark stood there gobsmacked for a moment by the outburst then it all fell into place in his mind. Everyone else said choose life; choose shite ye dun even want, choose shite that will nae satisfy, choose shovelin’ shite doon yer gullet to hide the pain, choose a job that uses you until you can’t be profitable anymore, choose women who will divorce and cheat you, choose kids who don’t love or appreciate you and throw you in a home when it’s all said and done with, aye, fuckin’ well choose life. 

Mark didn’t want to choose life.

He chose something else. This time it wasn’t heroin. This time, it was Simon.

“Ah’m nae goin’.”

Simon looked up, “What?”

“Ah dun want tae go.”

Simon’s eyes widened, “Ye’re stehyin’?”

“Aye.”

“Renton.”

Simon was overwhelmed by the urge to wrap his arms around Mark and kiss him, he had no choice but to give in. Mark melted into the affection, completely enjoying his decision. Then he realized something. 

“Oh and Simon.”

“Aye?”

“Ah love you too.”

Simon took one more look at him before attacking Mark with his lips,

“Ye’re never gonna leave us, Rents, no allowed.”

Renton raised his eyebrows

“Infact, Ah dun even trust ye oot this far. Back in thae bedroom.”

Mark grinned, “Oh sae Ah’m no allowed tae leave the bedroom now?”

“Aw aye, no the night ye’re not.” Simon grinned. “Now, go.” Simon pointed to the bedroom.

Mark sighed, a grin across his face as he rolls his eyes and strolls to the bedroom, “Yes, dear.”


End file.
